Once You've Learned to Be Lonely
by Esther-Channah
Summary: Shortly after Barbara's return to the cowl, Cassandra Cain pays a call.


Continuity: Pretty much New 52. As of this writing, canon has been quiet about whether Barbara was ever Oracle, or whether Cass is still Black Bat. I'm presuming that both back-story elements are still true.

Thanks to Kathy for the beta!

Disclaimer: DC owns the characters. I own a bunch of comic books that feature them. I'm not receiving any financial remuneration for this work of fanfiction. Written for anaraine on the Rare Women Fic Exchange on LiveJournal.

**Once You've Learned to Be Lonely**

Cass hesitated before she rapped once on the windowpane. The sun hadn't quite set, so she didn't _think_ Barbara would be out yet. If she had still been Oracle, Cass would have been sure of it. But then, if she were still Oracle, Barbara wouldn't be living here either.

After a moment, a familiar face appeared at the window. "Black Bat?" Barbara exclaimed in a loud whisper. "Is something wrong?" Before Cass could respond, a look of irritation crossed the other woman's face. "You should have come in civvies. If Alysia sees you…" She let her voice trail off, but her body language conveyed her meaning.

Cass shrugged. Then, without hesitation, she removed her cape, took a deep purple windbreaker out of a belt pouch, zipped it up over her uniform and doffed her mask. Then she started to move away from the window.

"Where are you going?"

Cass glanced at her. "Front door?" Maybe she was reading the signals wrong, but she was sure that was what Barbara meant. "Or…" a wave of uncertainty washed over her. "Should I… leave?"

"No!"

Cass stopped. She could hear an indistinct voice coming from somewhere outside Barbara's room, speaking with a note of alarm. Barbara looked over her shoulder. "I'm fine, Alysia," she called. "Just a friend surprising me at the window. I'll let her in." She looked back to Cass. "Sorry. Really, I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just… I've had a lot going on lately and it's taking some time to process." She sighed. "I don't know if you can really understand what that's like, but it's not easy."

Cass raised an eyebrow. "Like if telepath force-taught you new way to think. Then had to learn to fight again. Found out your mother was Lady Shiva. Then everyone went away, Slade drugged you, made you join him. Then learned to read and talk better. Then joined Outsiders. Then came back to Gotham and had Bruce say he wanted to adopt you. Then Bruce died only not." She smiled slowly and turned her face away. "No. No idea what 'need time to process' is like."

Barbara sighed. "I guess I deserved that. I'm sorry. I'll let you in the front door. That's... if you still want to come in."

For answer, Cass glided toward the front door. Barbara went to open it, offering a mumbled greeting and apology to her roommate as she passed her in the hallway.

"You sure you two don't want to sit in the living room?" Alysia asked. "I'll stay out of your hair."

Cass blinked. "Idiom?" she whispered to Barbara, unconsciously bringing a hand up to her shoulder-length dark hair.

Barbara nodded. "Maybe after," she answered Alysia. "I need to show Cass something I was doing on the computer." Taking Cass by the arm, she steered her back down the hallway.

"Sorry about that," she said, once the bedroom door was closed firmly behind them. "She means well; she really does. I'm just...not used to living with someone after all this time."

Cass frowned. "Then... why?"

Barbara sighed. "Sometimes, I don't know myself. I guess... when I became Oracle, I never realized how dependent I was on my systems. I told myself it was a way to reach out to people—even if I was stuck in the chair. Except, after I came back from the clinic, I still spent most of my time online. I remember the flight home from South Africa, how I was thinking that, as soon as I got in, I was going to call everyone I knew, and everyone I used to know and tell them my big news."

"And?"

"And," Barbara sighed, "I didn't. I couldn't." Her fingers gripped the armrests of her wooden chair as though she meant to wheel it away. Of course, the chair had legs, not wheels—but old habits died hard. "Ever since the shooting, I told myself that people didn't understand what I was going through. Oh, maybe they thought they did, but they couldn't. Or they didn't want to be around me because they couldn't deal. And," she winced. "I was afraid."

"Afraid?" Cass blinked. "I-I don't understand."

Barbara looked down. "I was afraid I'd find out that the chair had nothing to with anything. Maybe my being alone was all... me."

Cass hesitated for a moment before she reached out to cover Barbara's hand with her own. "Oh."

Barbara gave her a watery smile. "So... I decided I was going to reach out to someone new if it killed me. Almost everyone I know: Black Canary, Dick, Bruce, Stephanie," she grinned, "you... you're all people I met because I wore a mask. Kevlar or pixels, it's all the same really. But the thing is, when you're used to being in a mask, it's hard to know how to act when you have to take it off. I miss that." She sighed. "And yes, since I've started going out at night, it probably would be a lot easier if I'd found a place of my own. But the problem is, I'm too used to that. It would be so easy to just spend my downtime hiding away in... in Clocktower 2.0, or what have you. I like my independence. I need it. But, I think I need to be around other people more—and at least one of those people has to be someone who doesn't wear a cape and isn't my father." She chuckled. "Or Alfred."

Cass nodded. "A long time ago," she ventured, "you yelled at me for going out without my mask. You said that it meant all I could be was Batgirl. Then, I didn't know why that was... wrong. Now I see."

"Yeah," Barbara sighed. "So... what brings you here, anyway?"

Cass hesitated. "Wanted to know you were... okay. And... Just now, when you said you want to be around people who don't wear capes... you meant only sometimes, right?"

That prompted a genuine laugh. "I shut a lot of people out of my life after Joker stuck me in the chair, Cass. I'm not dropping everyone all over again just because I got out of it!"

Cass grinned back. "Good. Because I thought, I hoped... patrol? Together?"

"Two Batgirls on the prowl?" Barbara asked, perking up. "Sure. Just let me suit up. Actually..." her smile turned a bit self-conscious. "Actually, maybe before we do that, we could go out in the living room for little while. "I think it's about time Alysia met a few of my friends.


End file.
